Good Morning!

I’m wide awake at 3 in the morning,

Listening to Dean Lewis.

Out on the streets a pack of dogs decides it’s the perfect time to start howling.

I watch them from the window,

Some six or seven snouts up in the air,

Occasionally hindred by the smell of bread that I throw out to them,

In offerings.

I realize I can watch the sky go from a dark blue to a bright light today,

A sultry summer morning,

The mercury keeps rising throughout the day.

I think it’s time to go water my plants,

See my babies bloom into yellow and purple delights,

Click a few pictures of how ravishing they appear against the light.

I can hear the birds sing,

I had forgotten if they still did that.

From the depths of my memories arise ghosts of my younger childhood days,

When the little birdies sang in joy all morning,

And trees swayed to their music.

After a long time I’m hearing the cockoo sing aloud,

I wish my garden came to life,

I wish I would pick the shovel and get to work.

Well it’s sunday after all!

I’ve been waiting for the maddening week to stop.

Tolerance

Do you remember the day,

Your affections went up in smoke,

As we sat at the table,

Waiting to be served,

And with a dead glance,

With a swish of your fingers,

You dismissed me,

Can you stop talking?

I’m on the phone.

I went invisible that day.

Somehow breakfast waits for you on the kitchen shelf.

You clothes – washed, ironed, folded, wait for your approval.

Our home is clean enough

The trash takes itself out,

And the newspaper finds you in better anticipation,

Than I did on our marriage anniversary.

And what would the lady like to have?

Oh she’ll have the same,

Won’t you honey?

Trust me on this man,

Six years into a marriage and it doesn’t get any more predictable.

You exchange a wink with the waiter,

And I wish I could snap and make you disappear.

Hey,

I’d love one beer thanks,

Why honey,

Six years of marriage and I don’t mind you as much when I’m drunk.

Happily ever after

This chapter begins,

Right at the end,

Where you’ve read that they live,

Happily ever after.

This chapter begins as the first doubt creeps into her mind.

Can we make this work?

And he reflects into the mirror,

And asks himself,

Was it all, worth the effort?

Every morning,

Her back fits in a curve into his arms as he sleeps,

And they mutter to one another,

Just how afraid all of it makes them.

What if they’re not the right fit?

It’s sad but true,

All they tell you

Is that you’re broken and incomplete,

A lost piece of a puzzle set,

And when the right one comes along,

They’ll slide right in.

You and I,

We are,

Wholes.

Maybe we’d fit the same with different people,

Maybe we’d be the ones that cannot be reconciled anywhere we go,

Anyone we’re with.

This chapter begins in the glory of reality.

She wonders if her unwavering trust can be put to test,

He realizes there’s just so much he can do or say,

Things will go the way,

They’re supposed to lead.

What we say and what we mean,

What we do and what we intend,

Are limited to conjectures.

I don’t want a happy ever after,

I want my doubts,

And insecurities.

I want the comforting little lies and bitter truth,

Thrown at me like I am not a delicate flower in a glass vase.

Maybe we’re not happy,

At least we won’t pretend.

Missing Someone

If missing you feels like

It hasn’t rained for years here,

Like I havent quite been myself around the plants that I own,

The skin that I discard like a snake,

Everyday,

Like I haven’t looked at myself in the mirror,

I haven’t had a conversation with the people that love me,

Like the sun hasn’t risen over our heads,

And I wonder if they make songs anymore.

Is there a song for this feeling?

If missing you feels like

There’s a can of Schrodinger’s worms inside my heart waiting to burst open.

But I’m afraid they might be dead when it happens.

If missing you feels like the colours are a little less bright

Than they were yesterday,

If it feels like I’m thirsty all the time,

And that my favourite characters out of my favourite romantic movie too,

Are far apart and hoping they’d meet one another six months later,

If it feels like I want to sleep

And yet sleep eludes me,

Then

Yes,

I have missed you.

Self

I’m into self love darling,

Today I oiled my hair,

Tomorrow I’ll make my breakfast,

Day after tomorrow Ill call someone I haven’t talked to in a while.

Wait,

I am going to validate myself,

I’m going to get that haircut I have been thinking about,

And feel good about it while the blow drying lasts.

Born out of necessity

It might have been,

A few years back,

To brush my teeth.

And now, I can’t do anything without thinking of self care,

Its in fashion.

Im going to post a picture,

Of me really living the good life.

All the way while I am glued to this two way communication

Of acknowledgement

And fitting in,

Even between the outcasts.

I’ll put on some make up

But hey it’s really a choice,

You should be able to accept me without it.

I’m trying to go minimalistic,

While buying new clothes and hoarding them.

I’m going to rise from the pits and yes Im going to announce that to the world too.

I guess it’s about me.

But…

But…

When will I stop feeling empty?

Unreal

It’s not a good sign,

When you wake up wanting to listen to Lorde sing-

‘I’m a liability’,

When you wake up not wanting to wake up.

Trying times,

These.

I feel like I live in a halo,

And it’s blue,

It grows for days on end,

Invisible to you.

I walk around dripping,

I paint my path in that hue.

Everything is fine.

I live, I breathe, I stick my eyes to this screen.

She’s okay.

Listening to the labourer fix the walls of my house,

My father trying to raise up a conversation,

An uneaten apple by my side

The the fan making a whirring noise,

The strangest of dreams have now been haunting me.

Is that how,

The halo grows?

I dream a little and it further flows?

And I have,

Seen my cat crying in pain,

Watched myself fall into the arms of a strange man,

Witnessed a beautiful sunrise in a different place,

All but in my dreams over the week.

The halo metamorphoses into a giant dripping machine,

Enveloping me,

And eating me whole.

I recover,

On an uneventful night,

When sleep is far away,

And my head full of sights,

My heart full of sighs.

Void

I knew a cat once

And I never quite laid her to rest.

She is still around here somewhere,

And when I call out ‘Lucy!’

Her ears perk up,

And yet she pretends not to have heard me.

Typical cat behavior I’m told.

Well I’m glad she has the liberty to ignore me,

And yet not be met with a scorn.

I bought some plants today,

To keep myself busy,

From the distractions that include my memories of her,

I would call her name out in every room and yet not cause a stir.

I know I smile,

But on my mind is my sweet little kitty, on my mind a faded friendship,

On my mind the remains of all the love I’ve ever afforded to spare,

And all the affection that never was returned,

On my mind the agony of having to remember,

I must remember to forget.